I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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