JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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