I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
