This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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