I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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