For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
