i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
