you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
