the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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