i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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