I hope mine doesn't look like that
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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