That's when you crack a 10am beer
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
