I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
