I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize