new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
