I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
