I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
