i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
