true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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