i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dear god my vagina.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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