wanna go halves on a baby?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
