How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I am mentally ready for anal.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
