non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
COCAINE IS GR8
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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