I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
