Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
