my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
