Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
