Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
