god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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