wat bout pragnant strippers??
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
