tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
