thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
