cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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