Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
