well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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