i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize