After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
