do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
