Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I will be naked everywhere
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
