do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
