My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
