her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
