Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
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If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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