hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
