My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
