Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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