i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
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He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.