I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?