I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement