I'm pants shitting drunk right now
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
honey bunches of taint.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You're breaking my sexual little heart