Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.