you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.