ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.