i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
