i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
