after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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