4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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