i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
