Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
