i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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