I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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