I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
