so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
