I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
