There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
