Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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